The first twenty-four hours

Someone has died. This is what happens in the first day, and — more usefully — what does not have to.

If the death was expected, at home

There is no emergency. Nothing needs to happen quickly.

Take whatever time you want. Sit with them. Call the people you want to call.

Contact the community nursing team, hospice team or GP — whoever was providing care — during whatever hours they have told you. Many will have given you a number for exactly this.

A doctor or nurse will need to verify the death. In some systems this can wait until morning if the death occurs at night.

Do not call an ambulance for an expected death at home. It results in resuscitation attempts and an unnecessary hospital transfer.

Where an advance decision or care plan exists, have it to hand.

Then contact a funeral director, when you are ready. This can wait several hours. They will collect the body when you ask them to.

If the death was unexpected, or at home without prior care

Call emergency services.

Police attendance is routine in many jurisdictions for unexpected deaths and is not an accusation.

The death may be referred to a coroner, medical examiner or equivalent, which introduces delay before the funeral can be arranged and may involve a post-mortem examination.

If the death was in hospital or a care home

Staff will handle the immediate steps and will tell you what happens next.

You will generally be given documentation, or told when it will be available, and asked which funeral director to contact.

You do not have to decide immediately, and you should not be pressured to.

What does not have to happen today

This is the useful part.

You do not have to choose a funeral director immediately. The body will be cared for. Take a day.

You do not have to agree arrangements at the first meeting. Ask for the price list, take it away, and think.

You do not have to make any financial commitment in the first twenty-four hours.

You do not have to decide about burial or cremation today.

You do not have to tell everyone today, beyond immediate family.

You do not have to clear anything, cancel anything or sort anything out.

The pressure to act quickly is largely internal, and it produces the decisions people later regret.

The things worth doing today

Tell immediate family, in the order agreed.

Ask people not to post publicly until you say so.

Look for any written wishes. A funeral plan, a note, an advance directive, a pre-paid plan. It is easier to look now than to discover afterwards that arrangements had been made.

Check for organ or tissue donation if the death was in hospital, since it is time-critical and will generally be raised by staff.

Secure the property if the person lived alone, and see to any animals.

Eat something and sleep if you can.

Choosing a funeral director without pressure

If you have to do this quickly:

Ring three. Ask each for the cost of what you think you want, including disbursements.

Ask specifically whether they offer direct cremation and what it costs, which gives you the range.

Do not agree anything on a first phone call beyond collection, which can be arranged without committing to the rest.

Collection and arrangements are separable. A funeral director who collects the body is not thereby appointed for everything, though it is easier not to change afterwards.

Take someone with you

The single most useful practical measure.

Someone who is sad rather than devastated can ask what things cost, can say you would like to think about it, and can decline items you would find it impossible to decline.

Ask a friend rather than a family member if the family are all grieving equally.

What people regret from the first day

From families I have spoken to:

Agreeing to arrangements at the first meeting, before knowing what the options were.

Spending more than they could afford because it felt impossible to ask for something cheaper.

Rushing the funeral date, which is frequently set by availability rather than by need. A funeral in two weeks rather than one gives everyone time to travel and time to prepare.

Not spending time with the person before they were taken away.

That last one is worth emphasising. There is no requirement to have the body removed within any particular period. Many people find that sitting with someone for a few hours matters a great deal, and nobody tells them it is allowed.

The one thing to remember

Nothing in the first twenty-four hours is urgent except registering that it happened and looking after the living.

Everything else can wait a day, and waiting a day produces better decisions.

Procedures for verifying and registering a death differ by country and by circumstance. Where a death is referred to a coroner or equivalent, arrangements may be delayed — ask for a point of contact and an expected timescale.